1. It is a time when members of a family connect with each other in a loving way. It is a time when parents give their 100% attention to their tamariki/ children.
2. It may involve playing together, sharing a special time, listening to each other, having fun, sharing emotions and being together in ways that each member of the whanau enjoys.
3. Family/ whānau time can be one on one time between a parent and one child, two parents and one child or all the tamariki with one or both parents.
4. It may be a ‘planned’ activity time or occur on the ‘spur of the moment’. For some families it is maybe more helpful to plan together for this time when everyone will be at home. The danger perhaps, in some instances, is that in the busy lifestyle of the whanau these regular times may get set aside or even forgotten.
5. This time needs to be a consistent event within the family with at least one hour each week being devoted to connecting together in this way. Shorter periods of time are equally rewarding either daily or, for instance 3 x 20 mins each week. The main goal is for this time to be a regular, consistent and important priority for each whanau member.
6. Family/ whānau time is not a time for arguing, giving lectures, telling the tamariki how they have been naughty, or relating in any way that disconnects the hearts of any family member from each other. If during family time tamariki need guidance around behaving in a more acceptable way this needs to be given in a loving and respectful manner. We need to keep upper most in our mind it is our child’s loving heart connection with us that enables and motivates them to actually behave according to our expectations, values and beliefs.
7. It is time we give unconditionally to them which does not depend on their behaviour. It should not be removed for unacceptable behaviour.

One on one quality time (especially for parents with teenagers)

One on One Quality Time is when we spend time to be with, and connect with, our adolescent in a caring and supportive manner. It is by giving them our undivided attention that our love is conveyed to them and shows them that they are important in our life.

To ensure we spend regular quality time with our teen it is helpful to follow these guidelines;

1. We can set a regular time, for instance ten minutes every night after dinner to either just to talk with teen, play a game teen enjoys or watch teen play a game on computer. Or for a longer period of time for instance; going out for a hot chocolate, to ten pin bowling, window shopping or to see a movie. The importance is that this time is used by doing an activity the teen enjoys and one in which you can give your teen your undivided attention.
2. It can also be an unplanned, spontaneous time where on the spur of the moment we begin to spend time with our teen. For this approach to work as a ‘regular’ quality time we need to be on the continuous outlook for these moments. These tend to occur when our teen wants to talk or share something important to them or engage us in an activity which may or may not be at an entirely convenient time for us. For instance, when we go into their bedroom at night. These tend to occur when our teen wants to talk or share something important to them or engage us in an activity which may or may not be at an entirely convenient time for us. For instance, when we go into their bedroom at night to say a quick goodnight and discover it is a time when they want to ask us a deep and meaningful question or share something that has importance significance to them. The value of these times in strengthening the heart connection between us and our teen tends to far weigh out our own wishing to be getting on with something else or even going to bed ourselves.
3. To ensure this a time the teen enjoys we need to make sure it does not become a time in which we criticize them, correct them, lecture them, give them unasked for advice, arguing with them, or tell them what to do or what not to do as this unfortunately this may become the last time, at least for the present, that our teen wants to spend time with us. We need to keep upper most in our mind it is our teen’s loving heart connection with us that enables and motivates them to actually want to hear our wisdom and guidance and be willing and motivated to behave according to our expectations, values and beliefs.
4. Try and have at least one hour one on one quality time with your teen each week. This time can be made up of one occasion of one hour or more, or a number of shorter times adding up to approximately an hour. For your teen’s heart connection with you to be strengthened it is important that these times are not skipped.