Sometimes we punish good behaviour even when we do not actually intend to. This can lead to our child feeling discounted and often quite angry.

E.g. The child/ tamariki wipes up the bench, but has forgotten to squeeze out the cloth and leaves the bench very wet.

Parent says, “Great, you cleaned up your mess but what about all this water”.

This example illustrates how we can not only cancel out the positive comment but also totally discount our tamariki/ child’s positive behaviour. This type of statement tends to stem from the best motivation from within us to ensure our child/ tamariki completes a task. Therefore, a cling-on attaches itself to a positive comment and at the same time acts like an ‘enemy’ because it cancels out the positive acknowledgement.

What can we do about it?

To start the process of eliminating cling-ons from our parenting, we must first become aware of when we are using them and see the effect they have on our tamariki/ children. It is then, we can start changing our pattern of giving this type of feedback.