I thought I’d use this heading for this story to capture our reader’s attention. So now that I have your attention this is not about time out. At least not the time out that is taught as a behaviour modifying strategy. This time out I’m talking about is giving your children a space where they can calm down or finding a space of your own to calm down. On our courses we talk about the primitive brain response and how when we are under stress we go into survival mode and either fight flee or freeze. This happens to adults and children. In those moments in time it is far better to find something or someplace where we can calm down. The funny thing about our brains is that all of our higher brain functions rest in the front of out brain. When we are in survival mode we tend to do a lot more damage than good, especially when it comes to building a strong loving relationship with our children and, even our darlings.
How does this brain stuff fit in with giving yourself or your child a space where they can calm down?
Well in the heat of a parenting situation or something darling related when emotions are starting to reach boiling point. When we start going into survival mode. How do we get back into our higher brain functions? Yup, that’s right. Go somewhere and calm down. Then when you come back you can talk calmly and work things out. A positive time out to ground and reconnect. Learning how to calm down is one the best things for ourselves and our children to learn. It saves a lot of heartache in the long term if we can use our higher brain rather than our survival brain.