I have been talking this week about quality time and how spending time with our children can help them to be more willing to listen. It’s all related to a bigger picture around relationship.
When explaining this theory, I’ve found it’s easier for parents to understand when we use ourselves as the example instead of our children. What do I mean by this?
One of the theories around child misbehaviour is that it is related to the relationship between the child and the parent. That if in that moment in time there is suddenly ‘a disconnect’ of our child’s love feelings in their heart for us (for instance when we growl at them) they may not, also in that moment of time, feel they want to listen to us or do what we ask.
It’s the same for adults. If our darlings give us a hard time about putting out the rubbish we men may resist, dig our heels in or even forget. Afterwards if we come home and find that there is no dinner waiting for us and our darling has gone to bed. That is like misbehaving, adult misbehaving.
We know that it is wrong and childish to misbehave, but we do it. If our heart connection with our partner experiences ‘a dis-connect’ we can misbehave too, just like our kids.
So as adults what do we do with our partners to re-connect with them and get them to hear what we have to stay? We spend time with them, we connect with them and then our darlings are more willing to hear what we have to say, to take out the rubbish, to cook our dinner. I don’t think any lesson is clearer when we can put ourselves in the shoes of our children.