Communicating way – Body Language
5일간의 출장에서 돌아온 남편이 아침 일찍 골프를 치러 나갔다. 그리고 오후에 돌아오자 갑자기 내게 묻는다. “ 미안, 화났지? 골프치러 가서?” 난 바로 ‘아니, 화 안났어, 왜 그렇게 생각해?”라고 이야기하자 내가 말도 많이 안하고, 웃지도 않고, 내 온 몸으로 나 짜증났다라고 이야기하는 거 같아서 그렇게 여겼다고 말해준다. 좀 피곤할 뿐이지 기분이…
10대 아이의 초대
10대 아이들은 참 바쁘다. 도서관으로 공부하러 가기 바쁘고, 친구들과 시간을 보내기 바쁘고, 자신들의 외양을 꾸미거나 다이어트하기에도 바쁘고, 운동하러 다니기에 바쁘고, 클럽이나 학원에 다니느라 바쁘다, 또 자느라 바쁘다. 그렇기에 부모교육에 있어서 아이와의 소통과 관계를 개선하기 위한 가장 기본적인 전략인 퀄러티 타임을 발견하는 것이 어려울 지경이다. 그러다보니 10대 아이는 더 이상 부모하고…
‘Big Why Question’ 하지 않기
가끔 우리는 아이에게 “왜 그랬니?”라는 질문을 한다. 그러고는 아이가 “몰라요”라고 화난 목소리로 대답하면 놀라게 된다. 우리는 그 질문이 아이에게 도움이 될 것이라는 생각으로 그런 질문을 한 것이다. 아이가 그 질문을 통해 자신이 한 일이나 행동에 대해서 생각해 보고 그것을 통해 뭔가를 배우기를 바라는 마음에서 그런 질문을 한다. 하지만 결국 아이의…
What is Heart connection?
The heart connection is the loving, supportive, emotional connection in the heart of the child for their parent and the same feelings in the heart of the parent for their child. This is an aspect of what is called bonding or attachment. However, the loving heart connection is what is…
The Young Dolphin Story
A reporter had been assigned the story by his editor. Human interest story. Kids, dolphins. You know, are they intelligent, aren’t they cute. But this guy really wasn’t interested in the story and resented having to do it. He was someone to whom the concept of intelligence in dolphins was…
The Value of a Hug
A well know family therapist, Virginia Satir, goes as far as to say that, “Hugging is healthy. It helps the body’s immune system, keeps you healthier, cures depression, reduces stress, and induces sleep. It is invigorating and rejuvenating. Hugging significantly increases your body’s production of endorphins.” She simplifies it in…
The trait of adaptability and parenting
One of the most important skills we teach in Whanau Marama Parenting is the skill of being able to stop what we are doing, turn towards our child or teen and then and focus 100% on what they are either asking us, showing us or telling us. This could be…
The Power of Words
Words can be creative. They can build, restore, liberate, soothe, heal, teach, instruct, empower and bring into being what was not there before. Words can be destructive, rip down, hurt, upset, and cause despair and damage to relationships as well as a whole lot more. As parents, what we say…
The Importance of Creating Positive Memories
One of the most valuable things we can do for our tamariki is to engage them in activities that will create wonderful memories for them. It is not just the memories of those times but their feelings experienced during those times that are so precious. It is the wonder of…
The Advantages of Repeating a Parenting Course
It may not be widely known that some parents like to attend multiple parenting courses or even return to the same parenting course. It is not uncommon for parents to return again to exactly the same course they attended a previous term or even a previous year. Approximately 75% of…