The heart connection is the loving, supportive, emotional connection in the heart of the child for their parent and the same feelings in the heart of the parent for their child. This is an aspect of what is called bonding or attachment. However, the loving heart connection is what is being experienced in the present moment. The feelings of love in the heart for the other person. This experience occurs not just between children and their parents but also between adults and between siblings and other children.
I have been married to my husband Steve for over 47 years and although there have been ups and downs over the years I believe we are definitely bonded or attached to each other in a secure and loving way. Having such a long term relationship doesn’t however always guarantee that at any given moment in time I will be experiencing love feelings in my heart for him (and I guess him for me). It all depends on what is happening between us at that moment. If for instance, we are speaking to each other in a respectful and loving manner, it is most likely we also will be experiencing love feelings and emotional connection at that moment as well. The opposite is also true. If we get into blaming the other for some reason it seems that instantly something happens to the feelings of connection. Usually the feelings of ‘disconnection’ only last for a short time for me now as over the years I learnt how to restore my heart feelings towards Steve fairly quickly. But it was certainly a different story when we first were married. It makes me cringe now to think about how I could go for days with hurt feelings and a broken heart connection before somehow I came ‘right’ again. During these times of being ‘disconnected’ I found it difficult (and still do) to want to listen to him and be around and certainly I didn’t feel like doing anything he might ask me to do for him.
It is the exactly same for our children.
So how do we maintain this heart connect between us and our children?
Some of the answers can be found at –http://childhood101.com/2017/01/tiny-moments-10-everyday-rituals-that-mean-a-lot-to-kids/
In addition to these ideas in the article above for creating ‘connection’, I would like to suggest what we can do when we realize that a ‘disconnect’ has occurred between our child and our self. (They usually tend to start misbehaving at this point)
‘Disconnects’ can occur at any given moment throughout the day. They tend to occur at such times when we are feeling tired and are a little grumpy with them. A harsh or disrespectful tone of voice or even bossy or threatening body language can instantly also bring about a ‘disconnect’ of the love feelings in the heart of our child for us. Often to be replaced by defensive feelings such as hurt or anger.
So what can we do to help our child reconnect with us? There is no doubt many ways. However, one of the quickest and most effective is to offer a simple and sincere apology to our child for the ‘grumpy’ or disrespectful manner in which we spoke to them or behaved towards them. Then afterwards asking them if it is OK to give them a hug tends to restore the love feelings in their heart for us once more.