- Prevent them if we can
We can look out for tantrum triggers and head them off before they happen. Be alert.
Are they tired? Hungry? Bored? Or is it certain situations or places? eg. Taking our child to the supermarket when they are already tired and hungry after being at Kindy or Childcare for several hours then adding a “No’ from us is almost a perfect recipe for a full-on tantrum.
So if we can, avoid situations that we know that are likely to bring them on. We can learn from previous times and be prepared to make changes e.g.: Try saying ‘yes you can …’ instead of ‘No’, or going straight home instead of stopping off to pick up a few things from the shop.
- Understand how our child’s brain works
The brain of a child in full tantrum mode is not able to think or reason. Don’t worry about giving instructions or trying to distract them if they have already lost it. We need to help them calm down first.
- Try not to give in to avoid a tantrum
If we give in to our child’s demands to avoid a tantrum, we teach them that tantrums work to get their own way. This means the next time we say no, they’re more likely to throw a tantrum to get what they want. Our kids have been exploring ‘cause and effect’ since they were babies, they’re very good at knowing what works when.
- When a tantrum is in full swing
If the tantrum is happening at home and they are banging their head on the floor, find a small cushion or rolled up towel and place under their head so they will not hurt them self. While waiting for the tantrum to subside we can try using a soothing technique to calm their brain eg. Speaking gently, singing, or trying to pat them. Or we can just stay quiet and wait out the tantrum. Sometimes just staying with them and making sure they are safe until they have calmed down is all we can do.
If the tantrum is happening out of the home, for instance in the supermarket, we can either wait it out by staying close to child and try speaking gently as above or by picking child up, their back to our front. Hold firmly and watch they don’t swing their head back crashing into our mouth. Take child somewhere quiet where we can wait for the tantrum to subside. e.g.: In the car.
A tantrum in a public place is nearly always embarrassing for us as parents. It is helpful to remember many of the people around us have probably experienced the same thing. Try to keep calm.
- Praise them for calming down
When they have calmed down, give them lots of positive attention to reinforce that behaviour we want to see. Giving hugs help us to reconnect and reassures them that we still love them. Giving them a glass of water to drink can help them further calm down as swallowing helps regulate their breathing. It also brings oxygen into their blood stream which helps to calm their brain.
- Talking about feelings and what they could do next time
Afterwards we can help them name their feelings. “I know you’re angry/ sad because …”
We can also try a ‘brain training’ technique by asking them “what can you do next time when you are waiting for your turn or waiting for a lolly?”
